TRIAL AND ERROR
Prompt - Trial and Error : Write about something you learned the hard way
Learning stuff came too easily to me during my school years. I was a natural at exams and didn't have to work hard to pass them. Rather than try to develop this intellectual talent I instead became lazy. Why bother trying if you could get by without much effort? Of course I struggled with some subjects, failed the odd exam, but I always did enough to be near the top of the class in most of what I did.
This did mean I missed out on my one childhood dream career, as an airline pilot, because I was told I'd struggle to pass physics. Rather than say I'd give it a go I took the simpler path. That carried on into university, until, when it looked like I really would have to do some actual work, I opted out, took a lesser degree and went on my way.
So when I had to try and learn to do a real world job, especially one I had little natural aptitude for, I struggled. Hugely. And would end up resigning within nine months - before they fired me! I went back to doing a low level job that was very simple and which I was good at, while trying to figure out what to do with my life.
It was a careers adviser at the Jobcentre who suggested computers (not IT - that term hadn't arrived yet!), based on some aptitude tests and my interests. I had no previous experience of computing (at that time I hadn't even seen an ATM) so in the end the only place that would take me on, and train me from scratch, was the civil service. And so I found myself over four hundred miles from home, learning to become a COBOL programmer with three other people.
Within a few weeks it was obvious to everyone, even me, that I was going to be the star of the quartet. The logic and language used came naturally to me, and I loved learning to design and code. Then I hit a bit of a snag.
Not in my understanding of what I was having to learn, but physically. I was lucky enough to find a GP who knew about glandular fever, and was able to diagnose it quickly. Except that there wasn't really any treatment, it was something I had to get through. That meant about three weeks off work at first. I came back, and soon caught up with the others. Then I was off again, for a bit longer this time. When I returned to the office I was not having an easy time of it. Weak, slow, easily tired, couldn't socialise with anyone as I felt so exhausted and unable to consume alcohol anyway. I would work on the training course as hard as I could, struggle home, and collapse. Sometimes I would get in, flop on the sofa, and be unable to move for a couple of hours. As in literally unable to find the energy to open an eyelid.
The people I lived with thought I was asleep when I was in that state. But I was usually conscious, able to listen and process what I heard, but totally unable to respond in any way. So they'd say what they really thought, clearly unable to understand what the illness did to me, or simply not caring. i was boring, I was a pain, I was getting in everyone's way, I was useless.
Things were better in the office, where most in my immediate circle were more understanding, but I was still seen as an outsider who wouldn't join in.
All I had was the job, trying to get through the course so that I could start my career. So for once in my life I worked hard. So hard that, despite having lost about six or seven weeks of a four month training period, I caught and passed the others and was seen as the top prospect by the end of it. So much so that I was recommended to one of the sections which took the brightest graduates from training.
That produced further fear of failure, for even by that time I was still physically very weak - it would take well over eight months to be back to anything like my normal self - and thought I couldn't live up to the build up I was being given. But my new bosses were very good, gave me time to develop my skills and accepted that I wouldn't always be able to deliver one hundred per cent.
I'm glad I got glandular fever. While I would always be lazy, and still am, that period showed I could fight for what I wanted if I really needed to, and that memory would help me in the future.
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