IN THE MOMENT
Prompt - In the Moment : Write about living in the present moment
Do your poo and post it in, learn to live each day as if it were the last. That was my lesson.
I had been feeling a bit listless for a while, but thought little of it. With ageing comes a gentle deterioration of the body, and a gentle (sometimes) incrementation of weariness and laissez-faire. That's how life goes. I didn't worry because otherwise I felt in the best shape I'd been for some time, with minor ailments banished and pains kept at bay. But I did my bowel screening test as requested because, well, because you never know.
It's not the most enjoyable of processes, and needs a prism of humour to make it more palatable. Taking your own stool sample requires a bit of twisting and manipulation, and extreme caution for, even though it's mine, I had no wish for more contact with the substance than was absolutely necessary. The humour comes in contemplating the recipient. Who went to their school careers advisor and said they'd love to have a job where they got to run tests on human excrement? Nobody... so how do they end up there? It's definitely one of the short straw jobs, unless you have a very specific sexual quirk!
So off it went, to be thought no more off until the letter comes back to say that the poor old tester has found nothing of interest. Except that the letter, which returned surprisingly swiftly, didn't say that. Instead I found myself at the beginning of a process leading who knew where? They'd found some blood traces and would I like to submit myself to having a camera stuck up my arse? Not exactly their wording, but I the mental picture was unavoidable. I certainly wouldn't 'like' to, but did realise I ought to. It was probably nothing, perhaps just a few haemorrhoids, but better safe as they say.
So in I go and I they get the camera inside me and it's a weird sensation, not just the internal feel of the probe, but being able to see the results on screen. I don't think Channel 4 will be buying it, but I have to confess to being fascinated with this glimpse into my own insides. But if they'd offered me the DVD...
The most fascinating bit was when they came across the source of my little problem. Not for me the innocence of swollen veins. The camera quite cleared pointed out the sanguinary flow that had sounded the alarm bells. A little growth close to the top end of the colon. Which might, or might not, involve use of the C word.
That takes you aback, especially when you've been feeling so good. It's one of those most emotive of terms that can't help but trigger a multiplicity of reactions and ponderings and fears. Unashamed fears.
Which were, somewhat bizarrely, slightly assuaged by the confirmation that cancerous was indeed the diagnosis. Because certainty is easier to deal with. And the liberal use of words like 'early stage' and ' straightforward' gave back some of the lost confidence. From then on events moved swiftly, and soon the missives bearing the big blue letters of the NHS were coming regularly. A pre op. A covid test. And the big day itself. All was explained, questions were answered, stats rolled out. The 'major' in front of 'surgery' was a bit of a blow, but aided down by words like 'routine' and 'low risk'. The stats backed it up, with the added pointer that when things did go a bit wrong it was for people with additional risk factors - obesity, age, other health problems - which were categories I didn't fit.
The came, the day went, and I was, to my surprise, fully aware, in no pain, and even looking forward to being told to get up the next day. Initial progress was rapid, and while the long path to full recovery has the odd bump in it, and takes a few rough corners, it has a clear destination. Fully operational once more, back to fitness, ready for life.
I could say "I can't wait". But I can. Best to take it day by day, don't rush the process, and savour the small wins that crop up with regularity. From the first poo to the first cafe outing. From slow eater to ravenous wolf. Those times will come. But I have learned that it's today that matters. Do what's possible, seek the joys, be yourself. Live for the moment.
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