COMPLAIN
Prompt - Complain : Write about your complaints about something
"Hello sir, what can I do for you? Do you wish to make a complaint?"
"Hello, yes, I do."
"Can you tell me the nature of your complaint please?"
"I'm not too sure."
"Sorry? How can you have a complaint about something if you're not sure what it's about?"
"Well it's about you."
"Me!? What have I done to give you cause for complaint sir?"
"Nothing. Well, it's not really about you, not a as person, or anything you've done. It's more what you haven't been doing, if you see what I mean?"
"I'm sorry sir, I don't really understand what you mean here. Something I haven't done?"
"Well, what they make you not do. Or the lack of anything to do. Sorry, I'm not explaining myself very well."
"No, I have to agree with you on that. And it's not possible for me to deal with a complaint if I don't understand what the complaint is. Perhaps you could explain?"
"I've been watching you."
"I know sir. You've been stood over there for some time now."
"Yes. And you haven't done anything all the time I've been watching."
"Oh I have sir. I've been observing. And I'm here waiting ready, poised even, to deal with any complaints that customers wish to bring to me."
"But you haven't had anyone come up to you in all the time I've stood there."
"No, and that's good, isn't it, that nobody feels the need to complain."
"Well, yes, I suppose so, but if nobody is complaining what's the point of you being here?"
"To be ready to deal with anyone who wishes to make a complaint, like you are doing now. You are going to make one, aren't you?"
"Well I'm complaining that you seem to underused, to have such a pointless job. I'm sure you could do something more worthwhile, more suited to your abilities. And a lot less boring."
"I feel my abilities are well used here sir, and I am never bored with this job, there's always something interesting happening."
"Is there? When? I've not seen you have anything interesting to do all the time I've been here."
"But it's interesting talking to you now sir. And some of my time has been spent watching you and wondering when you would come over to me."
"You knew I'd come to you?"
"Oh yes sir, a lot of customers are very hesitant about bringing their complaints to me, and wait for a while before approaching. Of course there are many who much more forthright of course."
"Many? So you get a lot of complaints?"
"Oh no sir, very few. And I've never had one specifically about me before. I've always hoped I did a good job."
"Well you do. I'm sure you do. Only it could be better, couldn't it? You could do more."
"Such as sir?"
"I don't know. There must be other jobs needing done that would be less dull and more helpful that you just sitting here. Aren't there?"
"But if I was off doing other jobs what would happen if a customer wanted to complain?"
"But they don't, do they? You said so."
"Some do. Like you are now sir."
A small, tightly besuited, man with a moustache appeared from round the partition behind her desk.
"Is everything OK Sharon?"
"Yes Mr Walsh, all under control. This gentleman wishes to make a complaint, but we are having some difficulty formulating it into a format I can use. I'm sure we'll get there eventually though."
Walsh addressed the slightly baffled looking complainant.
"I'm sorry you feel you need to complain sir, but we have every confidence in Sharon's ability to deal with it."
"But she's not really."
"Isn't she?", eyebrows popping, "and why do you think that sir?"
"Because I'm complaining about her job, well lack of a real job, and she doesn't seem to get it. Maybe you'd listen?"
"Oh no sir, I'm sorry, I'm not properly trained to deal with face to face complaints. That's why we employ Sharon. She's a professional. You're in safe hands with her." He turned to his junior. "I'll let you get on with it Sharon, you don't need me interfering when you're the best we have at this work." And he vanished behind the partition again.
"Now sir, do you think we can proceed and get you complaint entered into the system?"
"What happens with it if we do?"
"It goes into the system and gets dealt with."
"Who by?"
"Mr Walsh." She smiled. "Although I have to admit he often asks me for my opinion. That's how much he trusts me you see."
"Often? I thought you didn't get many complaints?"
"We don't. But those we do get usually involve me in what happens next me. I don;'t just sit here all day doing nothing sir."
"And how many complaints have you handled this year?"
She tapped into her keyboard, looked closely at the screen, tapped a bit more and looked up. "You're the seventh sir."
"Seventh?! But it's July!"
"Yes it is, isn't it. That's a pretty good record, don't you think - only one complaint per month on average. Shows what a good job we're doing."
"Yes, but it means you've had hardly anything to do. So what's the point?"
"Well the less I have to do, the better we're doing, don't you think? And the point is to be here for anyone who does want to complain. Like you. So do you think we can work on that now?"
"And you like doing this?"
Oh yes sir, it's what I'm trained for. I'm so lucky to have found a place with a company that employs a full time professional complaints operative. Not many do you know. This company appreciated my talents and realsies what an essential part of the machinery I am. What's to complain about?"
He stood looking at her. Looked at the partition behind, as if willing an appearance from the enigmatic Walsh. His shoulders fell.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." He walked away.
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