BUG CATCHER
Prompt - Bug Catcher : Write about insects
"Hi, welcome to Bugs. Either of you been with us before?" The skimpy looking waiter bubbled myopically at us, keen for his multi legged enthusiasms to rub off on his customers.
"I've been a few times, but first time for her" David said, nodding at me.
"OK". The longest, most drawn out, most exhaled OK I'd ever heard. "Would you like me to talk you through the menu or would you prefer to be left to it?"
I shook my head enough for David to notice and he said we'd be fine looking at it ourselves, and give us a good ten minutes please.
"Righty ho guys. And can I be getting you any drinks for now, so you can do some boozing while you're perusing?" David looked at me quickly, willing me not to say a word. I looked down at my menu and tried not to laugh.
"No thanks, we'll order it all at once when you come back."
"Okey dokey guys, just give me a wave when you're ready." And he whizzed off to verbally torture another table.
"Don't look at me like that. They aren't all that bad, and believe me the food is good. You'll love it Sarah."
"Will I? Bubble boy's not really endearing me to the place so far. He should be the one coming with a health warning." David looked concerned, already worried his mission to convert me was endangered. "Sorry. But you knew the risks bringing a cynic along." I gave him my cutest smile by way of compensation.
The menu was... interesting. There were a few veggie/vegan options, but the majority of choices followed the path indicated by the restaurant's name. Insect based meals. Even the drinks featured 'honey infusions', 'beetle juice extract' (WTF?), or simply the worst insect based puns they could come up with (anyone for a Vodka Mothtini?).
The names of the dishes weren't much better, but at least there were patronising explanations to ensure that you'd know exactly which tiny organisms had been crushed up for our delight. At least I hoped they'd been crushed up...
David saw my expression change, and change again, bafflement giving way to annoyance, with a tinge of detestation.
"I think I'll just have the tofu salad. Or do they make sure a few ants come with that?"
"Come on Sarah, you said you'd give it a go. I know Mr Wow-factor didn't help get things off to a good start, but you really will be surprised how good this stuff is. Good value too, look at those prices." I forced a smile. "Trust me, eh? First thing I ever had hear was the Locust Burger, and that would be a good place for you to start. How about it? Their fires are pretty decent anyway."
I sighed extravagantly. Why should I make this easy for him? But one look at the that wee pleading face and I felt I had to do what he wanted. "OK, OK, I'll give it a go, but..." I left the implied threat hanging. If this was shit he'd know all about it. For days to come.
We settled on our orders, with me going for the delights of a Honey Beerhive to accompany my plague dish. Bubble boy couldn't have been happier. He'd have exploded otherwise.
Were David and I still on (non sarcastic) speaking terms when we left Bugs? Yes we were. Had I enjoyed my meal? Erm, well... despite my initial sensation of eating something that was going to take over my insides, I confess I did. I really did. And I even agreed to return. On one condition. If we get that waiter again David will need to keep me away from sharp objects. He was more disgusting that the real bugs.
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